Healing

Deniece Williams

Now that we have gotten through
One more fall
I can just admit I've got it all
Cause I do
Cause I've got you
We've crossed these battle lines to many times
It passes throught the heart
But it never leaves a mark

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me
No matter how I bruise
If I just trust You
Your love just keeps on healing me
One more clue
One more chance that wasnt there before
In your arms
no pain can harm the way im feeling
Lord I know that Your love is healing

I've kicked around those lines in my head
But I've never listened to the words that You said
See where its lead
Well I know I have it now
Cause You showed me how
And all I had to do
Was just to keep my eyes on You

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me
No matter how I bruise
If I just trust You
Your love just keeps on healing me
One more clue
One more chance that wasnt there before
In your arms
no pain can harm the way im feeling
Lord I know that Your love is healing

(break)

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me
No matter how I bruise
If I just trust You
Your love just keeps on healing me
One more clue
One more chance that wasnt there before
In your arms
no pain can harm the way im feeling

Lord I know that Your love is healing

Doomsday

..............................................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................................

Overwhelming responsibilities

It’s more than I can take (sigh!)

Oh yeah, you got it right; that’s an expression of weariness and despondency. All aspects of my life require me to be strong (or at least to pretend to be strong, hopeful and happy ) but inside, the pain and unease run deep.

The trigger was pulled and here I am ranting, seeking for people who could understand me. And I am happy that they are there for me to extend moral, emotional and even financial support. This is the positive side, you find out who really are your friends for without even asking, they give you and tell you what others wouldn’t. They are the people who know me and whom I trust and shared myself with. I love them.

On Career
You hoped that somehow your efforts will be rewarded or at least be recognized. But you have just learned that it is just another exploitative world. They milk out the best in you; they grab your youth and kindness. You are left in the dark for no good. And you, because you want to learn and discover new things and be the one you are --professional, civic minded, and driven – you do more than what is required from you. That’s because you are used to volunteerism and charity work. Just pray that you’ll not reach the state of being burnt out that soon or you’re out.

On Family
You do love your family and so you voluntarily assumed responsibilities that you could have dismissed early on because you have your own life to build. Your two younger brothers who are both in college depend on you. And here comes enrolment and you are compelled again to shell out money for their tuition and allowances. You love them and you believe that the best investment is on education and on people (not on material things) so you do it without hesitation. But in times of great need, when you yourself are in the verge of financial bankruptcy, you feel the overwhelming responsibilities in your shoulders. You want to develop yourself too, enter graduate school and invest in your future. So you bear the most difficult situation of enrolment blues (made even more miserable by the long process of salary disbursement).

On love
You’ve invested so much in your relationship hoping that it will see a happy ending. But everything is hanging now. You lost interest in the so-called ‘next level’ and shifted your priorities in your studies, work and social life (friends). You waited and dreamt of the most momentous event but failed to realize it. And so you’re infuriated and now confront a cloud of doubt.


You just love challenge, don’t you? So be strong! Be happy and be thankful to God that you made it to graduate school (MA at UP-NCPAG). You can now start weaving and reuniting your dreams...

Oblivion

What is in there that you forgot that precious possession of yours? What is in store for you and me for our tomorrow's existence? What, when, where and how?

Today is where we face another crossroad. It might be one of the big challenges that we just have to surpass so we will be prepared for the bigger ones later on in our lives.


There are lots of distractions out there, lots of temptations to fight over with. Today is just as critical as yesterday and the coming days, months, or years...

If today seemingly doesn't count, then how would tomorrow do?

Inspiration and growth

"Innovation does not happen in a vacuum. Look to others for inspiration and growth."

I'm sorry guys, i am now becoming a fan of the Friendster horoscope =) And yeah, got the quote above from my horoscope today. As usual it applies to me.

In a nutshell, my life was focused to one thing, enclosed in a world I learned to accept and love. But as time goes by, we do learn more, discover new things, and realize that we could do more and be more.

One day we just woke up and see a world that offers opportunities for growth and fulfillment of our dreams. We eventually learn, contemplate, and analyze things and see reality.

The real world is happy and the people around us are inspiring. I want to join the walk and continue my journey.

For the better! =)

Full of dreams and naivety

Free of anxieties

Eager to discover the world

I wish I could be a little girl again.

Wasted

It's past 12am, I'm tired and actually sad. My Lord, I'm leaving it all to you. Please continue to guide me, especially in times like this when I don't know what to do. Things aren't going right in here. :(

Free flow

I am exerting an extra effort to fight stress that might lead to depression. So i wanna enjoy life with my friends, office mates, housemates and even acquaintances. Cheerful every minute this girl wants to be (even in times of confusions and sadness).

I spent my weekend with my highschool friends who are now all professionals in their respective fields. My bessy Liezl celebrated her 26th birthday so it was a perfect time to bond. Life has never been happy before... Bonding of mature people is more meaningful and enjoyable.


I so miss time with my high school friends, the laughter, the playfulness, the chickas and the sweetness. They are my brothers and sisters who know me so well. I trust them and they trust me. That is why, I wasn't ashamed to share my true feelings and predicaments with them. And because of that, i had the least share of the SanMig light and Weng-weng hehehe =) Dinadaan ko daw kasi sa kwento! :) Well, im not a party girl really. I just wanna enjoy time with my friends whom i wasn't able to spend happy and troublesome times with for years.


Last Monday, I had dinner with QC Timers. It was another fun for updates and just hanging out (originally intended for the one who is facing a big problem but did not come). As usual, i went for the kwento and laughter.

In the office, we are having nice times as well. I am not this open for talks about certain topics but I don't know why a door in my mind and heart is now receptive. Maybe it's part of growing up or I am comfortable with my officemates perhaps. Whatever the reason, be it. It's an outlet for respite and relief =)

My life now is a free flow; and i'm enjoying it. I can live alone happily because there are so many people who care about me and who will share my problems and worries whenever they challenge me.

To God be the glory!

A climb once more

"Look farther down the road of your life. Focus on the things you can change about your future."

I got this advice from Friendster horoscope yesterday. Oh, how timing it is to this girl who is again facing another trek, another mountain. Yeah, it calls for another stamina once again. But i won't give up; i will push through till the climb is over. I wont wither. I hope i wont get dehydrated along the way, i pray. Aja!

Blank

could not utter a word. only tears (sigh!)

Dawning insanity

Work left and right. Stress up and down. Action north, south east and west. Craziness dawning :(

Did i get it right? Yeah, i love my work but i don't love stress. But stress comes with lots of work and concerns. So the equation is uncontestable. Oh life! No time for love :D

I want to do better in my work, fulfill my responsibilities and prove to myself (not to them) that it is worth the stress I'm getting.

It is Friday. I'm going to NATCCO office to assist the team of Mam Jocelyn Salcedo, Editor in Chief of PROfile magazine, in their photoshoot. They interviewed my boss last night at Congress. And today, Cong Paez will be interviewed on-air at DZRM Radyo Magasin.

After arranging a series of media exposures for Cong Paez, my primary employer, Im also thinking of Cong Ping-ay's share.

We are conducting a photo exhibit at Congress on Oct 26-29, so we're also preparing for that. Haven't started collecting/writing articles for our newsletter's maiden issue. Am continuously coordinating media activities with local coordinators. AVP, jingle, stickers, tarps....wheww...

I can only wish so much. Help me God!

Big Bs on a packed day

It was a loaded day for me. There were so many things to do and i didn't completely accomplish them. I am kind of tired....but well manageable. Am still happy and inspired.

There were also some surprises. At Congress canteen, familiar faces greeted me. First, Francis, my former workmate in Cong TG's office who has just braved the Big B. Not Big Brother but B as in B-A-R. He is a lawyer to be, i pray so.

Then there was another Big B hahaha. It was Sir Bayan, my big boss at QC Times. Saw him grinning from the not so distant Fruitas store with his client Mr. Jopet Inton, who's also an employee of Congress. Mr. Inton is running for Councilor in QC's third district this coming 2010 elections. I once met with him when I was still in QC Times.

I scheduled my boss (Cong Paez) for two media interviews, one for radio and one for a magazine. I coordinated with the Cebu coordinator for my boss media interview there this coming Sunday (Oct 18). I wished to finish the Photo Exhibit storyline but failed to do so. Letters, calls, correspondences...there they ate most of my time.

Without wifi internet connection, i felt incomplete. Good thing icts showed up at 6pm so i was able to check my email, write and post this piece and check my Facebook notifications.

Ok now, time to go home! See yah tomorrow!

Sunshine

The first drops were good for a deserted heart that longed for the rain melodies.
Such were showers that brought life to those melancholic days.
But now, after a series of cyclones, the heart that used to love the rain, hates the rain.

It was too cold in the rain. And so, the heart is now following the path not of the clouds, but of the cheerful birds who love the sunshiney days. Oh sun rays... please come out of those dark heavy clouds. Heal the wounds of this heart damaged by the rain.

Sunshine where are you?!

Pocket candy wrappers

The Philippine Daily Inquirer's update today says landslide deaths lift storm toll past 540. This is quite disheartening. Many of our brothers and sisters are losing their lives, lives that could be purposeful on our society.

Since the last week of September, we began our battle with natural disasters, or maybe they can qualify as 'man-made natural calamities' for these are also the offshoots of our actions. All of us, including myself were not mindful of our activities that we forgot to care about the environment. So global warming heightened.

Oh yes, we are in the Pacific Ring of Fire, and typhoons. We can't just do anything amidst this geographical fact. We are so prone to many kinds of devastation. I just wish that we learned our lesson somehow that it is high time for us to do our share to protect our habitat before it's too late.

Of course, some things are uncontrollable but there are some simple things that we can certainly do effortlessly like disciplining ourselves to throw thrash in their proper disposal area, not everywhere like what i observe in my everyday walk in the metro.

Yeah, it is annoying to see people in public vehicles throwing their trashes away as if they own the world and the world is a big trash place. I always get disappointed especially when the people i see doing this kind of thing are oldies or tanders as some call them. Good examples, duh..definitely not.

We have our pockets to store our petty trashes like candy wrappers. Can we start on this very simple thing?

The inspiring new world

My work starts at 8am and ends at 7pm. Yeah, at Congress we follow the compressed workweek style. So we save Friday for our personal moment, in addition to the normal weekend. I do work on Fridays at home but the feeling is relaxed since I have my own time. In the mornings of my work days, I don’t have to fight with the annoying sound of alarm clock just so I could be on time for work. Oh well, we don’t have bandy clock. And there’s nobody who calls the roll hahaha (unlike before!).

Though I always don’t get to the office at exactly 8:00am, I bid every day with a great feeling of accomplishment, for job well appreciated, though unstated.

In the office, we are our own boss. If you don’t work, it’s up to you. If you do, then, great. Of course, I choose the latter. We do have a boss who tells us what to do but doesn’t man us 10 hours a day. He knows we are doing our work and he trusts our ability to perform our duties well if not best. He believes in our capacities and that’s the most important I may say.

From time to time I go to the Coop-NATCCO partylist office at Project 4, QC for meetings or for other extra curricular works like packing relief goods. We are not compelled but we do. In the cooperative world, you don’t have to wait to be requested but initiate. That’s the spirit of cooperation and team work.

I meet a lot of people from different places and I do enjoy conversing with them. They are kind and professional in their works and they respect each other. I love the environment I am in today. Thanks to QC Times which made way for me to know about Coop-NATCCO.

Looking forward to more learning experiences!

10 Ways Towards Living a More Meaningful Life

You might be like me who struggle everyday for this much sought meaningful life. Yet, the more we seek for meaning, sometimes the more we get frustrated.

Perhaps, you get exasperated at times with the routine everyday in which you feel you are living in a box, confined in its six sides. Well, you are not alone. I, too, feel uninspired, tired, bored (or any adjective synonymous to it) sometimes. I understand you. We crave for change, for more challenges and significant experiences.

Life is too precious to waste. Every one of us has a unique purpose in life. My friend, lets stop berating ourselves for what we don’t know and don’t do well. We could discover our strengths, passions, purpose and build our life on those. Let’s start empowering ourselves now!

I can share you some ideas on how to do so. Let’s do these together:

1. Reexamine self. There is no other being who knows you best other than yourself. Ask yourself what you want to do in life that will make you happy. Make a list of them and classify them into two: achievable and unworkable (as you think they are). Also, honestly list down your strengths and weaknesses as well as limitations.

2. Resolve. In your list of ‘achievables’, think of practical solutions or actions on how to make them happen. Consider your weaknesses and strengths and the condition around you. To those you deem ‘unworkable’, think of the simplest step that you think could lead up to your dream. Remember, it only takes ones will to do the impossible. There’s no impossible if we dare push the walls that block our way towards them.

3. Act. Begin now. Take the first step that will lead to another. Eventually, you’ll just wake up one day realizing you already grabbed your goal. Cherish the moment. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. It won’t take you just a day or two to achieve your goals. Happiness is not acquired in a blink. It is earned through time.

4. Reckon on lessons learned. Since life is a cycle, you’ll be back to boredom and emptiness in time even if you achieved everything in your list. There’s no easy way towards happiness. You’ll certainly meet mistakes and failures along the way. If the time comes when you are again in the doorstep of misery, think of the lessons you’ve learned along the process. Such will help you improve you and will lead you to a more meaningful endeavor.

5. Learn something new. The secret to fulfillment is self knowledge. Start the exciting journey of discovery. Read books. Surf the world wide web. Go out of your house. There are many resources out there that can help you acquire new knowledge. The more you know, the more actively you pursue your purpose. You can also work on your interests like playing musical instruments, drawing or designing, dancing, teaching kids, etc that you have involuntarily abandoned because of your work and other preoccupations.

6. Concentrate on your strengths. Don’t be clogged in lamenting for things you do not excel. Focus on what you could do well; those reflect who you are. Leave the other things to people who do them well. Or later on, you could start improving for that weakness; remember that you’ll undergo a process and perfection is just a state of mind.

7. Celebrate and praise yourself. Be happy for every accomplishment you get. Others may not see a particular thing an achievement but be true to yourself. Do not be disturbed by what other people say especially those who underrate your achievements.

8. Count your blessings. Make a list of blessings, either small or big. Thank the Lord for such good fortunes. Be motivated to bring back kindness to the people around you.

9. Limit your desires. The most practical way to combat dissatisfaction is to limit your ‘wants’. Live a simple life. Dealing so much on things you do not have will not make you happy. Do not dream for the stars and the moon. Eliminate as well the things you don’t enjoy, those that give more problems rather than joy.

10. Give love. The most meaningful life is the one that is founded on and is driven by love. Get married and have a child. This will bring an incomparable feeling and joy that we humans are looking for in life. For those who prefer to live in solitude, jumpstart your self-esteem by giving back to the community. Volunteer in a meaningful way that suits who you are and your interests.

I hope you’ll enjoy the journey. Get to know yourself and the people who make you human. Start a new life; fulfill your dreams. Meaningful life is within your reach and happiness is right at your doorstep! :)

Longing for lola's love

Blogger's Note: Written before the Grandparent's Day celebration

Not having had the chance to live with my lolas for a significant period of time is not so much of a frustration but a parcel of my life lacking. My Lola Eluteria died few years even before I was born while my Lola Abeng died when I was only three years old.

Only pictures of Lola Eluteria was left for me to see how she looked like while I could hardly remember the face of Lola Abeng, because I was afraid of staring at her in the coffin. I feared seeing dead people when I was a kid. The only instance I could remember related to my Lola Abeng was during a conversation of her children at the night after her burial. I was playing amidst a circle of my aunts and uncles who were talking about their disposition following lola’s death. I didn’t know what the issue was about. I could only remember that one of my uncles was mad and he was looking for a piece of paper that he wanted to tear, so that according to him, would stop the arguments among the siblings.

When I was a kid, I would envy my playmates who have their grandmothers taking care of them and playing with them. Luckily I did convince myself that I could live without my grandmothers anyway.

Aside from pictures, stories about my grandmothers were passed on to me. My older brothers and sisters would share some memories of our grandmothers but little did they impart because just like me, they had also limited time of living with our lolas.

According to my mother, Lola Eluteria was such a devout catholic. She has served as their village’s hermana (religious leader). She was in-charged of the chapel. She set a good example to others most especially to her children. She would require them to go to the chapel every Sunday and pray together at 6:00 in the evening everyday. She taught her daughters the proper way of doing household chores and encouraged her sons to help their father in farming.

My mother recounted that Lola Eluteria required them not just to do the laundry but to soak all their clothes in gawgaw (cassava paste) after washing them. This method is called arnibal. The OC-ness doesn’t end here. Once the clothes are dried, everything will be pressed, even those ones they wear at home. That’s how strict and meticulous Lola Eluteria was. She was also a disciplinarian. She punishes whoever erring child. “When she looks at you in the eyes, that means you have to behave or else you’ll get what you want”, said my mother. “If you say a bad word, she will put pepper in your lips”, my mother added.

On the other side, my fathers account of Lola Abeng isn’t that interesting and inspiring. Lola Abeng nursed an unfair treatment to her children. She had favorites among the 11 children, said my father. While some of her children, including my father, were sent to the farm to help my Lolo, Lola Abeng would busy herself looking for gowns for her favorite daughters that will be worn in the santacruzan. No doubt, my father only finished high school when his other siblings went to college. Equally painful is her disregard among us--her grandchildren. According to papa, they used to live near the house of his parents, but Lola Abeng didn’t impart some of her time looking after my elder brothers. Mama given birth to a twin, the eldest among us. She had to do all the works while my father iwas away earning for a living.

These are just stories I couldn’t verify. I don’t know my grandmothers so maybe I must not judge them rashly. It could have been better if I lived with them so I could say who and what they were really.

I wish I felt the love of my lolas and loved them in return. But I could not simply because they passed away early on.

I am 26 now. All these years I have been fantasizing life with my grandmothers. Perhaps, for a moment I could get a piece of candy, then a fixed or braided hair next, a moment of laughter, a kiss or a hug. Or maybe, at the next second, they would reprimand me for behaving badly. At the next blink; I would be making fun of their white hairs and sagging breasts.

I am really curious about my life had I spent my childhood or teenage years with my grandmothers. Perhaps, I am a little smarter or maybe, a li’l haughty. I don’t know. Maybe, I had good times listening fairytale stories from them. Or perhaps, I would get infuriated by their being forgetful (ulyanin). :)

Remorse

I am remorseful that i deleted year ago my blog here at blogspot, together with all the entries in it. Anyway, I'm gonna start a new one and I hope i would be diligent enough to make it updated.

Today, I feel that I'm riding a roller coaster. Everything happens so fast. I go with the flow. I am not mindful of their impact or consequences. It's time to reflect perhaps.

Goodluck to my life!