I know how it feels to be a ‘mother’ last night

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have my own child yet and neither I am bearing one nor adopting one. It’s just that I felt what a mother might be feeling when time comes for her child to leave and spread his/her wings.

My younger brother, whom I am sending to college, is like a ‘child’ of mine. I started rearing him two years ago when he came here in Manila to study. But little did I know that, I was just a provider for him for the last two years. It was only last night that I became emotionally involved with his life. And so, last night was memorable and I cried.

Last night he texted me that he left the house of our elder brother and he will now be staying in a boarding house together with two other ‘strangers’ as I call them. He said he’ll take care of budgeting the allowance I’m giving him especially now that he has to pay for the monthly house rental. I asked a lot of questions, just what a mother does, I guess, given the same situation. I don’t want him to live on his own because I fear about his safety. I’m worried that he might stumble upon a group of drug addicts, smokers, heavy drinkers that could influence him badly. I fear that he might forget about his studies and his life will be gone astray.

But he needs it. He has to spread his wings and learn how to be independent. He has to discover reality and know what life really is all about. He needed to leave his comfort zone under the auspices of a family just the same as when I left my mother and father a decade ago.

And so last night, I cried. I cried because I am not ready to let go of my brother. I cried because I’m worried about his security. I cried because I remember my parents in the province and realized how painful it was for them every time one of their kids leaves them. I cried because I know that I will feel the same feeling when time comes that my own children will leave me in the future.